Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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