pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Randomize
