what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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