Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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