I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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