dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
