Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
