I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
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