I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He felt like a one man threesome
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
