drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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