i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just pee around me
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
