Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Randomize
