wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
