I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
