Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
