I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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