Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
