We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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