1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
