Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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