I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
