walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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