I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
