What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Randomize
