The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
