my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
