I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Randomize
