Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
