So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
