Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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