oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
