those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Banned from zoo.
Again?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
