Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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