i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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