i permit you to call me
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
