we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
