my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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