when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize