Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
