No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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