First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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