My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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