absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
