you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
