Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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