My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
