Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
