at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
