so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
