i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
