so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
