I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
