He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
