I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
