Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
