It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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