it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
