made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
