If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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