Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
