he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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