You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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