There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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