Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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