i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
