just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
