jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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