susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
