In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
