Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so let's talk penis.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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