Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
