There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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