ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize