he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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