Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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