So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
