No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
