he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
