I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
