I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
