I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
