Where is the hickey?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
