Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
