stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
