hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
