Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
