worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
