Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
