i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
