dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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