do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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