so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
