i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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