maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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