It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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