i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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