Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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