Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You made out with two different species that night
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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