I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
