She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
