so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
