I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
