i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
