you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
